Posts tagged ‘children’

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September 4

Back to School: A Teachable Heart

Contributed by Eva Fleming

The long warm days of leisure and enjoyment are over. It’s time to go back to school. Parents plan for healthy breakfasts and lunches, shop for school supplies, go back-to-school shopping, take the kids to get immunized, plan for after school care, arrange homework help, enroll in extracurricular activities, and the list goes on. It can be an exciting time, as well as a stressful one.

If you have already done all these things, you are on your way to a successful year, but there’s still much more to be done. After the excitement of the first few days of school is over, it will be time to help your children see the ultimate purpose of their education, as opposed to the immediate results. It’s time to teach them why they get up in the morning, get dressed with their new clothes, eat their healthy breakfast and walk out the door with their new school supplies. Now it’s time to help them make sense of all these rituals.

Your job is to teach your children that the purpose of education is to attain wisdom, acquire discipline, learn what’s fair, receive knowledge and direction, and apply prudence. Every night they sweat to finish their homework, they are learning discipline. The daily practice of postponing fun for the sake of a job well done, gives way to wisdom. The daily opportunities to treat friends with respect, puts them in the path to fairness. Listening to the instructions of an adult, gives them a chance to practice respect. Seeking answers when questions are difficult, teaches them to love knowledge.

The character that children can develop through their school experience is much more valuable than straight A’s and Honor Rolls (even though those are fun too). School is not only about math, reading and science; it’s about much more than that. Prudence will give a child shrewdness in a confusing world; knowledge will given them the information they need to thrive; wisdom will help them apply what they already know.  You want your children to know, to discern and to receive. You want them to study and develop a teachable heart.

Posted in Children, Parenting, Social Emotional Learning | Leave a Comment »

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May 16

Raising Confident Children

Contributed by Brittany Mershon, MA

One of the questions I am frequently asked as a therapist is, “How can I help my child to be more confident?”  Confidence is a multifaceted concept to address. First, confidence is not a feeling, it’s a commitment. Confidence is not the absence of fear, but rather a commitment to seeing a decision through in spite of fear. Raising confident children can be a challenge, but it’s not impossible. Here is a list of tips to help you through the process:

  1. Model Confidence. Children mimic behavior they observe from those around them, especially their parents. Parents who show confidence, even in the face of fear, will help their children learn to do the same.
  2. Embrace Failures. It sounds counter-intuitive, but children who fear failure are more likely to fail. Children and adults alike who are successful learn to overcome failure early in life. They learn that fearing failure causes one to act more cautiously and fear taking risks that might cause unsuccessful results. Celebrating their best effort and modeling mistakes can be learning experiences that will help confidence to grow.
  3. Embrace Success. Fear of success is a common fear that can cause children to focus on the negative aspects of doing well. Success could mean more responsibility or increased expectations. It is important to share with children the benefits of success.
  4. Embrace Change. Many children are creatures of habit. Much like many adults, the threat of change can be intimidating. Even if the ‘change’ is positive, children often fear the unknown. Seek to understand what it is that is ultimately holding your child back from embracing change, and then work to help them overcome or work around it.

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April 14

All About Dad

Children and adolescents are the ones who bare the brunt of unhealthy marital relationships. Fathers, in particular, who are in supportive relationships tend to be more sensitive and attentive and less hostile and negative with their children. (Click here to see Responsible Father Spotlike Facts).

While at one time or another you may parent an adolescent who slams the door at you and screams with passion “I hate you” when you enforce a rule or deny them a privilige, if this is not a one-time occurrance but a sentiment that is felt on a continual basis, it may be worthwhile to explore how the father-mother relationship is faring. If you feel isolated from your children and can’t seem to connect with them, don’t just assume that it’s an adolescent hormonal stage, evaluate your marital relationship. Children and adolescents have an uncanny ability to pick up on parents’ distress and may resort to assuming passive aggressive attitudes and acting out behaviors that can test your patience and all of your established boundaries. They feel the tension in the home and this spills over to their school work, social relationships and coping skills. 

It’s interesting from the statistics noted that it’s not only adolescents and children that may feel like responding in a rebellious way, but fathers as well. When fathers do not feel connected with their partners, the tendency is for them to pull away from their children. So now you have fathers who alienate themselves from their children and children who respond aggressively and in negative ways.  Why do you think that fathers do this? That when their marital relationships suffer – commonly they also pull away from their children’s lives? Why is that even though, children are not at fault, they are the ones that pay the penalty for unhealthy marital relationships? Whatever the reasons, what we do know is that fathers who have healthy relationships are more responsive to their children. This is a HUGE reason for why we need to invest in healthy relationships – ultimately we are investing in the lives of our children.

Posted in Parenting, Relationships | Leave a Comment »

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